The Greek says that Judith’s face was altered and her clothing changed. Good News Translation has shifted the focus a bit by neglecting the main point here, which is how different Judith looked, not only in clothing but also in facial appearance. It was not said in 10.3-4, nor is it said here, that she “put on make-up” (Good News Translation, Contemporary English Version). It only says that her face looked different, though make-up may be legitimately inferred. One could translate “When the men saw how different Judith looked after she had changed clothes and put on make-up….”

They greatly admired her beauty: “They were struck by her beauty” (Good News Translation) and “they were amazed at her beauty” (Contemporary English Version) are good descriptions of what happens. One must beware of the error made by New American Bible. It says “they were very much astounded at her beauty,” but this implies that they really didn’t know that Judith could be pretty—but surely they could remember her appearance only three years and four months ago, when her husband died (8.4).

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on Judith. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2001. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.

For … therefore: Judith is saying that she proposes the following scheme because she is a religious woman. The logical relationship is only implied in Good News Translation. If one were to insert “So here is what I will do” or “So here is my plan” between the two sentences of Good News Translation, the proper relationship would be explicit.

Your servant is religious: See the previous verse for a comment on servant. In some languages it will be natural style to say “I, your servant, am a woman who obeys God’s laws.”

Serves the God of heaven day and night: Good News Translation has “I worship the God of heaven day and night.” “Worship” is misleading if it suggests a formal activity such as attending a religious service or constantly doing such an act that most people perform on occasion. The verb used here is related to the noun used often in the book to describe Holofernes’ personal servants, those who attend him and wait on him (for example, 10.20; 11.20) With this verb she describes herself as a servant of God, one who is ready at his call at all times, ready to do his will. On the use of the term God of heaven in Judith, see the note on 5.7-8. Judith here is subtly letting Holofernes know that she does not intend to be the servant of Nebuchadnezzar (verses 1, 4), but instead presents herself as one with prophetic powers, one whom Holofernes must accommodate in order to win the victory she promises. This clause along with the previous one may be rendered “I am a religious woman, ready to serve the God of heaven day and night” or “I carefully obey the laws of the God who lives in heaven and am ready to serve him day and night.”

I will remain with you: Good News Translation has “I will stay here in your camp.” In approaching this sentence the translator must decide whether Judith intends a subtle seduction by her choice of words. She says literally “I will stay with you [singular].” If there is none at all, “I will stay here in your camp” reflects the Greek text well; the word “camp” does not appear, but the preposition used in with you allows that interpretation. “I will stay in camp with you” or “I will stay in camp near you” might express well both Judith’s actual plan and what Holofernes wants to hear her saying.

Every night your servant will go out into the valley, and I will pray to God: In 12.7-9, where Judith carries out these plans, she bathes each night while in the valley, apparently as part of a purifying ritual. She does not mention that here. She must not give the Assyrians reason to come spying on her, and she must not risk insulting them by insinuating that she must purify herself after being around them.

When they have committed their sins: They refers to the Israelites, the people of Bethulia; by their sins Judith is referring to the matters in verses 12-13.

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on Judith. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2001. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.

She came close to his bed: Good News Translation‘s “She came closer” is dramatic, but combining it with New English Bible‘s “stepping close” to get “She stepped closer” is better than either.

Took hold of the hair of his head: The name Holofernes does not appear in the text of this verse; Good News Translation‘s insertion of it is unnecessary here, and perhaps even a bit distracting. Contemporary English Version is similar to Revised Standard Version with “grabbed him by his hair.”

Give me strength this day, O Lord God of Israel may be rendered “Lord God of Israel, give me the strength to do this” (Contemporary English Version). The tension of this brief prayer contrasts with Judith’s long outpouring in 9.2-14 and her thanksgiving song in 16.2-17. This is a time for action. The prayer is even tighter and stronger in Greek than in either Revised Standard Version or Good News Translation. She literally prays, “Strengthen me….” “Strengthen” is a verb of action, and not a noun describing a quality. At this point the book reaches its highest peak of suspense. All this tension is suddenly released in the next verse in a barrage of violent verbs. For Lord God of Israel, see 12.8.

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on Judith. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2001. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.

When the men in the tents heard it: This is the first verse of a new chapter, so it will be helpful to identify these men; for example, “When the rest of the Assyrian soldiers heard it.”

They were amazed: While the verb used here usually has this meaning, it is inappropriate here. The men are “appalled” (Moore), “aghast” (Enslin), “shocked,” “stunned,” or just plain “horrified.”

At what had happened is perfectly obvious and adds nothing; Good News Translation combines it with the first clause: “When the soldiers heard what had happened.” Contemporary English Version incorrectly interprets what had happened as “their officers crying,” whereas in reality they were stunned/horrified at the news of Holofernes’ death.

An alternative translation model for this verse is:

• When the rest of the Assyrian soldiers heard that Holofernes had been killed, they were horrified [or, stunned].

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on Judith. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2001. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.

After this: This connector begins a new paragraph, and Good News Translation appropriately translates it with a clause of background information: “When the celebrations had ended.”

Every one returned home to his own inheritance: Home to his own inheritance is literally “to his own inheritance.” Only home (Good News Translation) is needed since it gives the meaning of his own inheritance. The writer may be using this phrase as a conscious link with Josh 1.15.

Judith went to Bethulia, and remained on her estate may be rendered “Judith returned to Bethulia and lived on her own land.”

Was honored in her time throughout the whole country: In her time is appropriately translated “For the rest of her life” by Good News Translation and “as long as she lived” by Contemporary English Version. In languages that do not have the passive voice, one may translate this final sentence as “People everywhere in Israel honored her [or, gave her great face] for the rest of her life.”

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on Judith. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2001. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.

But: Translators need a connector here showing the strong feeling of the people against the king’s message.

All who lived in the whole region simply means “all of these people” (Contemporary English Version).

Disregarded the orders of Nebuchadnezzar means the people “ignored, paid no attention to King Nebuchadnezzar’s message [or, invitation].”

Refused to join him in the war means they “refused to help him fight against his enemies.”

They were not afraid of him: Afraid may be rendered figuratively in a number of languages; for example, “He did not make their hearts [or, livers] shiver [or, tremble].”

But looked upon him as only one man: But may also be expressed as “Their reason was…” or may be expanded to “They ignored King Nebuchadnezzar because….” [They] looked upon him is literally “he was against/before them as.” This is usually taken to mean “they considered him,” since it corresponds to a Hebrew idiom. Only one man indicates that these peoples considered him isolated, without allies. New English Bible reads “he seemed to them to stand alone and unsupported.” Good News Translation‘s translation “They thought he had no chance of winning the war” seems to interpret the clause in this way. Only one man is sometimes understood to mean “only a man,” so the whole clause is translated “they thought he was only a man.” This has the merit of a neat contrast with Holofernes’ demands that Nebuchadnezzar be worshiped as a god (3.8). There is a textual variant in one (important) manuscript which makes this point more clearly. Most translators and commentators prefer the former understanding. Carey Moore, who translates “an ordinary man,” is an exception (from his 1985 commentary in The Anchor Bible series, to be cited as Moore hereon). The phrase “as one man” is used at 6.3, but there its meaning is clear and can be translated literally. The reason they were not afraid of him was that they thought he couldn’t win. Good News Translation shows this logical relation by reordering the clauses as: “they thought that he had no chance of winning the war, so they were not afraid of him.”

They sent back his messengers empty-handed: Almost all translations use the expression empty-handed, although the text simply says “empty.” Empty-handed would be appropriate if the messengers were expected to return with an object, something that could be literally held in the hands. What is said is simply that they have failed to accomplish their goal. Following this sense, New Jerusalem Bible uses “with nothing achieved,” meaning that no one came with them.

Shamefaced: Good News Translation has “disgraced,” and Contemporary English Version “embarrassed.” It is also possible to use an idiomatic expression, such as “with great loss of face.”

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on Judith. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2001. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.

Here the narrative slows. After the whirlwind conquest of nearly all the western region, the action slows to focus on a scene describing the submission of the Palestinian coastal towns mentioned in 2.28. Holofernes is still only a man of action; he still does not speak.

They sent messengers to sue for peace: The subject they needs to be identified here at the beginning of a new chapter. They are of course the towns named in 2.28. To sue for peace is a purpose clause, but in the Greek text it is literally “with peaceful words.” This phrase becomes a description of the messengers in Good News Translation: “a peace delegation.” But a serious problem with Good News Translation is that the delegation does not go to Nebuchadnezzar, who is still back in Nineveh. They go to Holofernes, whose army is their immediate threat. The translator would do well to specify to whom the envoys go, but it is Holofernes. Contemporary English Version is helpful with “So they sent messengers to Holofernes to say” (the content of the message appears in verses 2-4). Another model is “So they sent messengers to Holofernes to make peace with the Assyrians. They said….” Some translators will wish to connect this verse with the previous chapter. One way to do this is the following: “Everyone living along the Mediterranean coast was so terrified by Holofernes’ actions that they sent messengers to him….”

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on Judith. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2001. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.

So the king of Egypt became hostile to them: Good News Translation‘s “the king of Egypt turned against them” is a good idiomatic rendering of the literal “… rose up against them.”

He took advantage of them and set them to making bricks: The Greek is literally “he outwitted them in hard labor and brick.” He took advantage of them (also Good News Translation) is a bit weak. The king “exploited” the people; there is an element of trickery in the verb (compare Exo 1.10, “deal shrewdly”). “Hard labor” should be expressed in set them to making bricks. He did not just “put them to work” (Good News Translation); he subjected them to “hard labor.” One may translate “he forced them to work hard making bricks.” In cultures where bricks are unknown, translators may borrow the English term or one from some other language. It will also be helpful to include a glossary comment on bricks and even have a picture in the text.

And humbled them and made slaves of them: In Greek the subject of humbled and made slaves is “they.” Both Revised Standard Version and Good News Translation ignore this small point. One could insert “the Egyptians” as subject here, but then one encounters pronoun problems in verse 12. It is surely easiest to do as Good News Translation, Revised Standard Version, and others have done here, and keep the king of Egypt as the subject. An alternative translation model is: “The king of Egypt humiliated [or, shamed] them by making them his slaves.”

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on Judith. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2001. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.