Judith came in and lay down: Good News Translation and Contemporary English Version say that Judith came into the tent and “sat down.” Presumably she reclined (lay down) on the lambskins, although the Greek simply says that she got down. New Jerusalem Bible and New English Bible say she “took her place.” Perhaps these elements could be combined without becoming too heavy: “Then Judith entered the tent and took her place on the lambskins beside Holofernes.”

Holofernes’ heart was ravished with her and he was moved with great desire to possess her: The Greek text has three clauses here. They literally read:

(1) Holofernes’ heart was beside itself with her,
(2) and his soul went reeling,
(3) and he could hardly contain his desire to have sex with her.

These are the elements that must be built into the narrative. It appears that Revised Standard Version and Good News Translation combine the second clause into the other two. Combining these clauses is legitimate, but one should be careful not to change the picture of an anxious sex maniac into a sophisticated ladies’ man. His uncontrollable desire for her must be in focus. “Was aroused” in Good News Translation is really too weak. Possess her means, as in Good News Translation, “make love to her.”

For he had been waiting for an opportunity to deceive her, ever since the day he first saw her: This is another somewhat awkward belated introduction of information. The reader may have inferred this from chapter 11, but it was not spelled out there. Perhaps one could approach it this way: “This was what he had been waiting for since he first laid eyes on her.” The specific idea of seduction would then carry over quite easily from the previous sentence.

Contemporary English Version has a helpful model for this verse:

• Judith then entered the tent and sat down on the lambskin. Holofernes was very excited to be with Judith and wanted to sleep with her right away. In fact, he had been waiting for this opportunity since he first saw her.

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on Judith. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2001. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.