We will burn them up: The Greek says literally “We will burn them [the Israelites] up with them [our horses].” This is awkward, and Revised Standard Version solves it by omitting the phrase “with them” (translated “with it” in its footnote). There is some textual authority for doing this. However, this phrase can be kept if burn up is understood as a figure of speech, meaning “overwhelm.” The horses—the cavalry—will be the means of overwhelming the Israelites. So Good News Translation has “it will overwhelm them.” Another possible rendering is “Our horse soldiers will destroy them.” New Revised Standard Version also is persuaded that “overwhelm” better expresses the idea here rather than the literal burn up, but unfortunately it omits the phrase “with them” by translating “We will overwhelm them.”
Their mountains will be drunk with their blood: For drunk Good News Translation has “soaked” and Contemporary English Version “covered.” They are using appropriate English terms for the figurative picture in the text of mountains … drunk with their blood (compare Isa 34.3, 7).
Their fields will be full of their dead: The word translated fields is the word usually taken to mean “plains,” in both Good News Translation and Revised Standard Version. Perhaps Good News Translation uses “valleys” to contrast with “mountains,” and Revised Standard Version is thinking in terms of actual battlefields. The meaning “plains” is to be preferred. In languages that do not have the passive voice for be full, one may say “Their dead bodies will fill up the plains.”
They cannot withstand us, but will utterly perish: They cannot withstand us is literally “the track of their feet cannot withstand us” (see the Revised Standard Version footnote). New Revised Standard Version reflects the Greek text better than Revised Standard Version by translating “Not even their footprints will survive our attack.” Good News Translation also reflects it better with “not a trace of them will be left.” Will utterly perish is an emphatic clause, so Good News Translation uses an appropriate figure to express it: “they will be completely wiped out.” Good News Translation has also rearranged the two clauses here, so that “not a trace…” amplifies the threat in “they will be completely wiped out.” Essentially, the threat is made twice, and the translator should conclude with the stronger one. In Good News Translation, “not a trace of them will be left” is stronger than “they will be completely wiped out.”
So says King Nebuchadnezzar, the lord of the whole earth: Just as the prophets conclude their oracles with “Thus says the Lord,” so Holofernes, concludes with So says king Nebuchadnezzar since King Nebuchadnezzar is his god. Other ways to express this are “This is the command” (Good News Translation, Contemporary English Version) or “King Nebuchadnezzar has commanded us to do this.” Lord of the whole earth means “the one who rules over the whole world” (see 2.5).
For he has spoken; none of his words shall be in vain: Usually saying “Thus says the Lord” makes the point well enough for an Israelite prophet. It is a bit strange that Holofernes keeps speaking: he has spoken; none of his words shall be in vain. None of his words shall be in vain is literally “the words of his words will not be in vain.” It makes use of two different terms for “words.” This repetition may be due to Holofernes’ anger. Good News Translation uses “he doesn’t speak idle words” to compress both clauses here into an effective closing threat. The threat implies obedience to King Nebuchadnezzar. In some languages this implicit meaning will need to be made clear; for example, “We will follow all his words” or “We will do everything he has ordered.”
Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on Judith. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2001. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.