As noted above, translators should begin a new paragraph at this point.

Every man of Israel cried out to God: The Greek text does use man here, rather than “person.” Good News Translation‘s “The leaders of Israel” is not correct; the text means “All the men of Israel.” Cried out to God with great fervor may be rendered “prayed earnestly to God.”

They humbled themselves with much fasting: Revised Standard Version and Good News Translation are reading a textual variant in saying that the men of Israel “fasted.” The Greek text for the whole verse reads “Every man cried out to God with great earnestness and humbled their souls with great earnestness.” Some see a problem with the repeated phrase “with great earnestness.” There is some textual support for reading “… humbled their souls with great fasting.” This is a peculiar clause, but it is followed by Moore also. Perhaps the strongest reason for reading “fasted” here is that fasting is clearly spoken of below in verse 13, which can be seen as a repetition of verse 9. New American Bible goes in a different direction by omitting the second occurrence of the phrase “with great earnestness”; there is some slim manuscript support for this as well. New Jerusalem Bible appears to do the same. There is really nothing wrong with the Greek text as it is usually read, and the translator is on good ground in taking some such course as New English Bible: “Fervently they sent up a cry to God, every man of Israel, and fervently they humbled themselves before him.” Another possible model is “All the men of Israel prayed earnestly to God and submitted themselves to him with great fervor.” But if translators feel that fasting should be included in this verse, one may say, for example, “… and submitted themselves to him by going without eating for a time.”

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on Judith. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2001. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.