The Greek text of this verse begins literally with “And it came to pass that….” It is using a common Hebrew idiom that often signals a shift of scene or emphasis. Here the narrative is preparing to move into a new significant scene. An introductory “then” might help, but the least that can be done is to begin this sentence as a new paragraph, as in Good News Translation. The paragraph structure of Revised Standard Version here obscures the importance of what follows.

When he had finished setting forth his plan: This clause is literally, “When he completed his plan.” This means “When he finished telling his plan” or “When he had finished telling them what he planned to do.” Good News Translation loses little by its shift of focus: “At the close of the meeting….” New Jerusalem Bible has “When the council was over….”

Nebuchadnezzar king of the Assyrians called Holofernes: Good News Translation misses two important points in this clause. First, it omits as redundant information Nebuchadnezzar‘s title as king of the Assyrians. Of course the reader knows it, but it is an emphatic assertion of strength: the king of the Assyrians, victor over the mighty Arphaxad, now calls Holofernes. It is an effective introduction to Holofernes, who as a character is second in importance in this book only to Judith herself. He shares the strength of Nebuchadnezzar king of the Assyrians. The title is important from the point of view of the narrator. Translators should keep this phrase (so also Contemporary English Version). A second point missed by Good News Translation is the expression called Holofernes. The Greek assumes (though one could argue this) that Holofernes has not been present for the council discussed in verses 1-3. He is summoned here. The natural inference from Good News Translation is that Holofernes has been present all along, but this is not the impression left by the Greek. He is introduced at a dramatic point. To make this point clear one may say “Nebuchadnezzar, king of the Assyrians, called for Holofernes to come in.”

Chief general of his army, second only to himself: Second only to himself may also be expressed as “Only the king was higher in status than Holofernes” or “Only the king had more authority than Holofernes.”

An alternative translation model for this verse is:

• When he had finished telling them what he planned to do, King Nebuchadnezzar of Assyria called for Holofernes to come in. Holofernes was the chief general of his soldiers, and only the king had more authority than he did.

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on Judith. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2001. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.