So they summoned Achior from the house of Uzziah may be rendered “So they had people bring Achior from Uzziah’s house.”

Saw the head of Holofernes in the hand of one of the men at the gathering of the people: Good News Translation uses the plural “hands” rather than the literal hand simply because it is more natural English. One could translate “saw one of the men holding Holofernes’ head,” but this would shift the focus a little. Good News Translation deletes at the gathering of the people on the assumption that this phrase is redundant. The gathering of the people refers to the group assembled in 13.12-13. One could say “one of the men in the crowd.”

He fell down on his face: “Fell to the floor” (Good News Translation) gives the impression that he was inside a house, whereas he and the other people were outside. Contemporary English Version‘s “collapsed on the ground” is correct.

His spirit failed him: Good News Translation correctly interprets this as fainting. He is not bowing down to anyone. He is shocked by the horror of the head, and no doubt overcome with relief that he is safe. This professional soldier and commander of soldiers (5.5) simply passes out at the realization of what this woman has done. Good News Translation reverses the order of the last two clauses; Achior faints, then falls.

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on Judith. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2001. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.