A lot of actions are recounted in this verse, and the translator’s challenge is to keep the narrative sensibly moving without making the reader pause to figure out what is happening. Here is the actual order of events:

A. Judith arrives in camp
B. Judith’s arrival is reported.
C. The men in camp are excited.
D. Judith waits outside the tent while they tell Holofernes about her.
E. The men come
F. and stand around her.

The Greek reports it in the order CABEFD; Revised Standard Version follows this. Good News Translation arranges the events in the order CABDEF, but it presents CAB as simultaneous actions, so there is no problem of understanding the sequence of events.

Revised Standard Version once again muddies the narrative with unclear pronouns. They came presumably refers to the men who were in the camp. While they told him about her is especially unclear. They cannot possibly be the whole 100-man escort. The Greek clause is equivalent to a passive: “while he was being told about her.” Good News Translation at this point changes the focus and concentrates on Judith outside the tent “waiting to be presented to him,” rather than concentrating on what was going on inside. The narrative is helped by this move, since it does not require the reader to go from outside the tent inside and back out again. Everything happens outside the tent. But in Good News Translation nothing has been omitted and nothing has been inserted without support. While Judith waits, of course someone has gone in to inform Holofernes. And the obvious reason she is waiting is “to be presented to him.” Note also that Good News Translation‘s “news of Judith’s arrival spread” is clearer, more direct, and more exciting than the passive her arrival was reported.

An alternative translation model for this verse is:

• Soon everyone in the Assyrian camp was eager to see Judith, for the news about her had spread from tent to tent. The soldiers came and gathered around her as she stood outside Holofernes’ tent waiting to see him.

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on Judith. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2001. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.