So Darius commanded Sisinnes the governor of Syria and Phoenicia, and Sathrabuzanes, and their associates, and those who were appointed as local rulers in Syria and Phoenicia …: The conjunction So may be rendered “Then” (Good News Bible) to introduce Darius’ response to the letter of the Persian officials who were responsible for the province of Phoenicia and Greater Syria, which included Judah (see 1 Esdras 6.7). For Sisinnes, Sathrabuzanes, and their associates, as well as Syria and Phoenicia, see the comments on 1 Esdras 6.3.

To keep away from the place: Darius ordered the royal authorities of the area to get out of the way and let the work on the Temple continue. This clause cannot mean “to stay away from Jerusalem” (Good News Bible), considering 1 Esd 7.1-2. It is better to say “to stay away from the Temple area.” The Greek word for place is a term in Jewish idiom for the Temple, and that is probably the reference here.

And to permit Zerubbabel, the servant of the Lord and governor of Judea, and the elders of the Jews to build this house of the Lord on its site: This is another command that Darius gave to the local Persian officials. The main problem here is that so much information comes between Darius commanded and to permit Zerubbabel … to build this house…. Good News Bible does this as well as could be expected here, but translators might consider breaking this verse into two sentences (so Contemporary English Version; see also the model below). For Zerubbabel see 1 Esd 5.5-6. Here he is called the servant of the Lord, which means he was faithful to the Lord. He is also called the governor of Judea (compare verse 18 and 1 Esd 2.12). The elders of the Jews refers to the other Jewish leaders (see 1 Esdras 6.5).

Here are two alternative models for this verse. The first one is based on Contemporary English Version:

• King Darius sent a message to Governor Sisinnes of Southwest Syria Province, to Shethar Bozenai, and to their advisers. He warned them to stay away from the Temple in Jerusalem and to let Governor Zerubbabel, who followed the Lord faithfully, and the other Jewish leaders rebuild the Temple where it stood before.

• King Darius answered the letter from Sisinnes, who was the governor of Phoenicia and Greater Syria, Shethar Bozenai, and all the other local government officials. He ordered them to keep away from the Temple area, and let Zerubbabel, the Lord’s servant and governor of Judah, and the other Jewish leaders rebuild the Lord’s Temple at the same place it stood before.

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on 1-2 Esdras. (UBS Helps for Translators). Miami: UBS, 2019. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.