17:23a

I in them: This phrase explains the meaning of “be one” in 17:22b and means “I will be/live in them.” Here it indicates that the disciples were connected or united to Christ. It is good to use the same expression for this idea that you used in 17:21b–c. For example:

I am one with them (Contemporary English Version)
-or-
I am united with them

and You in Me: This phrase indicates that Christ was connected or united to God the Father. Use a similar expression to the one that you used in 17:21b so that the connection between the two verses is clear. For example:

and you are one with me (Contemporary English Version)
-or-
you and I are united with each other

17:23b

that they may be perfectly united: This clause means “so that the believers may be completely united with each other.” The idea is the same as in the first clause in 17:22b. So this is again the purpose for Jesus giving his glory to his disciples (see 17:22a). Here are other ways to translate this clause:

so that they may be completely one (Good News Translation)
-or-
so that they will become completely one ⌊in heart/mind⌋
-or-
so that their unity will lack nothing

17:23c

so that the world may know that You sent Me: This clause indicates the purpose of the disciples’ unity. Jesus wanted the world to know that God had sent him. When unbelievers would see the disciples’ loving unity, they would understand that Jesus came from God. See how you translated a very similar expression in 17:21d. Here are other ways to translate this clause:

in order that the world may know that you sent me (Good News Translation)
-or-
so that ⌊the people in⌋ this world will know that you sent me

17:23d

and have loved them just as You have loved Me: This clause indicates that God loved the disciples the same way that he loved Christ. This is the second thing the unbelievers will come to know if the disciples are truly united. For example:

and they will also know that you love them the same as you love me
-or-
and that you love them as much as you love me (New Living Translation (2004))

General Comment on 17:22–23

In the Greek, as in the Berean Standard Bible, 17:22–23 forms one long sentence. In many languages it may be natural to break these verses up into several shorter sentences. For example:

I have given them the glory that you gave me. I did this so that they are united in the same way we are. I am in them, and you are in me. So they are completely united. In this way the world knows that you have sent me and that you have loved them in the same way you have loved me. (God’s Word)
-or-
I have given these people the glory that you gave me so that they can be one, just as you and I are one. I will be in them and you will be in me so that they will be completely one. Then the world will know that you sent me and that you love them just as much as you loved me. (New Century Version)

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