They came to Holofernes’ tent: The subject they is effectively vague to hint at some confusion.

Said to the steward in charge of all his personal affairs: The person addressed here is Bagoas. He is described in the Greek text simply as “the one over all his things” (compare 12.11). He is not specifically named nor is he called steward. But the reader has to know who this person is. The reader in Greek would recognize the descriptive phrase as referring to 12.11. Good News Translation and Contemporary English Version have named Bagoas and omitted reference to in charge of all his personal affairs. That is all that is needed. The man just needs to be identified; too many words here will slow down the narrative, which is now moving quickly.

Our lord is, of course, “the general” (Good News Translation) or “General Holofernes” (Contemporary English Version).

For the slaves have been so bold: Good News Translation‘s “Those worthless Israelites” attempts to convey the abusive connotation of the literal the slaves as well as to identify them, although “those Israelite slaves” is also derogatory. When Achior told Holofernes something of Israelite history, he had referred to their being slaves in Egypt (5.11). Completely

In order to be destroyed completely: The idiomatic “they are just asking to be destroyed” (Good News Translation) is an effective way of conveying the men’s arrogant amusement at the idea of the Israelites actually daring to fight. The literal in order to be destroyed completely fails to express the mood, which is more important here than the words.

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on Judith. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2001. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.