Four things happen in this verse, and they must be kept clear when read aloud. Both Revised Standard Version and Good News Translation are worded in such a way that the listener can be in doubt as to the object of the first verb and the subject of the second.
They called together all the elders of the city: First, the leaders mentioned in the previous verse (Uzziah and the other two) call the elders together—just the elders, not the women and young men. Elders were respected elderly males who wielded considerable authority in their communities, but presumably in this present context they had less authority than Uzziah and the other two town officials (“magistrates”), who were the leading elders (“rulers” in 7.23). The elders were recognized for their maturity and ability to lead. If in one’s language the two ideas of maturity and leadership can be combined into one term like elders, then that term should be used. Otherwise the phrase “clan leaders” or simply “other leaders” is a possible alternative.
And all their young men and their women ran to the assembly: This is the second event. Young applies only to the men, not to the women; see Good News Translation‘s “and all the women and the young men.” The text does not say that the elders were running, as Good News Translation‘s “also ran” suggests. We may solve this problem by translating “while all the women and the young men ran to the assembly.” Ran to the assembly will be difficult to translate in some languages since assembly implies both an object (people) and an event (meet). In such languages one may say “ran to where all the leaders were meeting.”
They set Achior in the midst of all their people: In this third event the subject they is not clear. Is it the officials, the elders, the crowd? Good News Translation avoids the problem with the passive voice. If the translator must use the active, it would be wise to say that the “officials” brought Achior forward. They, after all, are the ones in charge.
Uzziah asked him what had happened: This final event may be rendered “Uzziah asked Achior what had happened to him in the Assyrian camp.”
Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on Judith. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2001. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.