But at dawn of the fifth day, twenty young men in the army of Maccabeus: The connector But doesn’t fit here. The Greek connector here is better rendered “Finally.” The beginning of this verse may be translated “Finally, when the sun rose on the fifth day, twenty of Judas’ young men.”

Fired with anger because of the blasphemies: Good News Bible has “burning with anger at these insults,” but a better model is “burning with anger when they heard the enemy shouting such evil things about God.”

Bravely stormed the wall: Good News Bible says “bravely climbed the wall,” but this rendering leaves out a component of meaning in the verb stormed. A better model is “bravely climbed the wall, fighting the enemy the whole way.”

And with savage fury cut down every one they met: With savage fury repeats the idea in fired with anger, so these two expressions may be combined (see the model below).

Here is an alternative model for this verse:

• Finally, the evil things that the enemy was shouting about God made twenty of Judas’ young men very angry. So, when the sun rose on the fifth day, they bravely climbed the walls of the fort, fighting the enemy the whole way, and killed everyone they met.

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on 1-2 Maccabees. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2011. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.