Revised Standard Version, Good News Bible, and Contemporary English Version all agree that a new paragraph logically begins with this verse.

When he finished speaking may be rendered “When Judas had finished speaking.”

He rushed suddenly against Seron and his army, and they were crushed before him: We are not to picture Judas rushing out alone; he is leading his men. Good News Bible translates these clauses well, but we would want to add “as they moved up toward them” at the end of the verse (see the model below). Seron and his army climbed up through the narrow mountain pass, while Judas and his men moved down toward them (see the comments on verse 24).

An alternative model for this verse is:

• When Judas had finished speaking, he and his men rushed down toward Seron and his soldiers. Judas and his men crushed them as they moved up toward them.

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on 1-2 Maccabees. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2011. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.