In some languages it may be helpful to begin this verse with “This letter said: …” (Contemporary English Version).
To King Artaxerxes our lord: The phrase our lord identifies the writers of the letter as the servants of the king; it does not say that he is a god. Translators may begin the letter with “Your Majesty, King Artaxerxes.” However, in cultures where kings still rule, the appropriate honorifics should be used.
Your servants Rehum the recorder and Shimshai the scribe …: Your servants describes Rehum, Shimshai, and the others mentioned here as the king’s servants or officials. The recorder renders a puzzling Greek phrase, which is grammatically incomplete. Some ancient scribes and translators took it to mean “who falls down [before you].” The Greek participle used here is indeed from a verb meaning “to fall down,” but it can also refer to things that “happen.” Most likely we are to understand the Greek phrase here to mean “he who [writes down] things that have happened.” This is what Revised Standard Version means by the word recorder, which refers to a kind of official historian, one who keeps official records for the government. This would be a more specialized activity than that of Shimshai the scribe (see the comments on verse 16). Good News Bible says “the official correspondent,” which is not clear, since “correspondents” in modern English are normally “news reporters.” We prefer “the official historian.”
And the other judges of their council in Coelesyria and Phoenicia is literally “and the others of their council the judges in Coelesyria and Phoenicia,” which is ambiguous. This phrase can be understood as “the judges, and others of their council in Coelesyria and Phoenicia.” However, it can also be understood as “the others of their council, as well as the judges in Coelesyria and Phoenicia” (so Good News Bible). We will return to this problem, but first, let us deal with the name Coelesyria, which is literally “hollow/empty Syria.” This name seems to refer to the plains of Syria. The territory of Syria was hilly or mountainous on all sides except the south, which had a flat interior. However, at this time the name came to apply to a larger territory that included Judah also. Good News Bible renders Coelesyria as “Greater Syria.” We could also say “Southwest Syria.” The name Coelesyria occurs also in 1 Macc 10.69; 2 Macc 3.5, 8; 4.4; 8.8; 10.11; 3 Macc 3.15. The history told in 1-3 Maccabees is of a later history than the Persian period involved with 1 Esdras, but it would not be misleading to the studious reader to use the same expression for Coelesyria in all these places. Phoenicia was a Mediterranean coastal territory north of Palestine and south of Syria. Sidon and Tyre were its principal cities. It consisted of what is now the modern state of Lebanon. Here the two areas of Coelesyria and Phoenicia probably designate one administrative territory, which may explain why Contemporary English Version combines them as “Southwest Syria Province.” We now return to the problem of the Greek phrase rendered and the other judges of their council in Coelesyria and Phoenicia. It seems best to think of two groups, in two different areas: (1) Rehum, Shimshai, and “the others of their council,” that is, the other men who were also in government service in Samaria (see verses 16, 25), and (2) “the judges,” that is, men of authority, in the larger region of Phoenicia and Southwest Syria. (We suggest reversing these geographical terms to avoid the misunderstanding “Southwest Phoenicia.”)
Another problem, purely translational, involves the form of the letter. It begins here in verse 17. First King Artaxerxes is named as the addressee, the one to whom the letter is written. Then the writers of the letter are named. Then in verse 18 the message itself begins. Good News Bible uses a formal style by beginning verse 17 with “To Your Majesty Emperor Artaxerxes from your servants….” Contemporary English Version renders it in a less formal way by saying “Your Majesty King Artaxerxes, the group sending you this letter includes Rehum, who is one of your officials, and Secretary Shimshai, as well as the members of their council and several judges in Southwest Syria Province.” Translators must find a form, as brief as possible, that readers will find understandable.
This letter is another situation in which the reader might be helped by indenting the entire body of the letter (see the comments on 1 Esdras 2.3).
An alternative model for this verse is:
• “To His Majesty Artaxerxes, the king of Persia.
From his servants Rehum the official historian, Shimshai the official scribe [or, secretary], their co-workers in the king’s service, as well as the judges [or, officials] of the province of Phoenicia and Southwest Syria.
Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on 1-2 Esdras. (UBS Helps for Translators). Miami: UBS, 2019. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.