When I said these things in my heart may be rendered “While I was saying these things to myself” or even “… was thinking these things.”

I lifted up my eyes: The Revised Standard Version footnote here involves a translational matter, so it may be ignored. This clause may be rendered “I looked up” or “I looked around” (Good News Bible).

And saw a woman on my right: This clause may be combined with the previous one by saying “I looked to my right and saw a woman.”

And behold: The word behold introduces what Ezra saw in his vision. In many languages this word will be omitted (so Good News Bible, Contemporary English Version), but some may be able to use an ideophone.

She was mourning and weeping with a loud voice: The verbs mourning and weeping are close in meaning, referring to sorrow over the death of a loved one in this context. The woman was mourning for the death of her son on his wedding night (see 2 Esd 10.1). Many languages will have two words to stress this action; for example, this clause may be translated “She was weeping and wailing loudly” (similarly Good News Bible). But in languages that have a good word for the act of mourning that includes loud crying, that word should be used.

And was deeply grieved at heart may be rendered “She was terribly upset” or “Her heart/liver was turned upside down.”

And her clothes were rent, and there were ashes on her head: At that time people would tear their clothes and put ashes on their heads to demonstrate their grief (compare 2 Sam 13.19; Est 4.1; see also the comments on 1 Esd 8.71).

Here are possible models for this verse:

• While I was saying these things to myself [or, thinking these things], I looked up and saw a woman on my right. She was crying loudly, and terribly upset. She had torn her clothes and put ashes on her head to show her grief.

• … I looked to my right and saw a woman who was wailing loudly and terribly upset. She….

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on 1-2 Esdras. (UBS Helps for Translators). Miami: UBS, 2019. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.