But when he arrived at the treasury with his bodyguard: His bodyguard refers to the armed men who went with Heliodorus to protect him from being attacked. The Greek word for bodyguard literally means “spear carriers.” Good News Bible‘s model for this clause is helpful.

Then and there the Sovereign of spirits and of all authority caused so great a manifestation …: The rest of this verse is a summary of what is about to be described in detail in verses 25-28. Then and there indicates the suddenness of what happened. Good News Bible and New English Bible say “at the very moment.” The Sovereign of spirits and of all authority is a unique phrase referring to God. The author uses it to emphasize the supernatural nature of what was about to happen. The word Sovereign refers to God as the supreme ruler. All authority is better rendered “every authority/power”; this expression and spirits refer to supernatural forces (compare Eph 1.21; Col 1.16). For the whole phrase Good News Bible has “the Lord of all supernatural powers,” which is a good model. Another possible rendering is “God who is more powerful than [or, rules over] all spirits and authorities.” Manifestation refers to a “vision” (Good News Bible) or “apparition” (New English Bible, New Jerusalem Bible). For caused so great a manifestation, Good News Bible has “caused such a vision to appear.” However, Goldstein has a better approach with “miraculously intervened,” and New American Bible may be even better with “manifested himself in so striking a way.” Another possible model is “showed himself in such a frightening way.”

That all who had been so bold as to accompany him were astounded by the power of God, and became faint with terror: The power of God revealed in the vision frightened Heliodorus’ bodyguards so much that they became weak with fear. All those who had been so bold as to accompany him refers to the bodyguards. Astounded may be rendered “frightened.” Became faint with terror may be expressed as “became weak with terror” or even “became so afraid that they felt weak [or, were fainting].”

An alternative model for this verse is:

• He [Heliodorus] arrived at the treasury with his bodyguards. At that moment, the Lord, who is more powerful than all spirits and authorities, showed himself in such a fearsome [or, frightening] way that the men who had dared to go with Heliodorus saw how powerful God is. What they saw astounded them, and they became so afraid that they felt weak [or, were fainting].

Contemporary English Version has an excellent model combining verses 23 and 24:

• Meanwhile, Heliodorus and his guards walked right into the treasury, just as they had planned. But God is more powerful than all spirits and authorities, and he sent such a horrible vision that it terrified Heliodorus and his arrogant followers, leaving them weak from fear.

Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on 1-2 Maccabees. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2011. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.