Good News Bible sets apart verses 24-29 as a separate section and calls it “Nehemiah’s Prayer.” But it is not Nehemiah’s prayer. He only joins in the recitation of the prayer with everyone else. We suggest that the prayer be part of the section dealing with the miraculous fire, so it does not need its own heading. However, it should be a separate paragraph.
The prayer was to this effect: Nehemiah should not be mentioned here. The Greek says only “The prayer went something like this.” New American Bible and Goldstein have “The prayer was as follows,” which is a helpful model.
O Lord, Lord God, Creator of all things: The repetition of the word Lord reflects Hebrew usage, which may not be natural in other languages. Good News Bible reduces Lord, Lord God to “Lord God.” Another possible model is “Our Lord, you are our God [or, the God whom we worship].” Creator of all things may be rendered as a separate sentence, for example, “You created all things.”
Who art awe-inspiring and strong and just and merciful, who alone art King and art kind: Relative clauses (noun phrases in Greek) describing God begin here and continue through the next verse, as the prayer opens with a series of praises to God. The use of relative clauses following a direct address to God in prayer shows that this prayer came from a formal liturgy. The tendency in modern English is to substitute sentences for these relative clauses (so Good News Bible), and some translators will probably find this more suitable for their purposes. Awe-inspiring means God produces in human beings a feeling of reverence and wonder, with some fear. For who art awe-inspiring and strong, Good News Bible says “you are awesome and strong,” but we may translate “You make us amazed and reverent when we see your power,” “When we are in your presence, we feel awe [or, amazement] when we see how powerful you are,” or simply “You amaze us with your power.” The word just refers to God’s fairness in dealing with people. He always does what is right and fair. Since this word is repeated in the following verse, we suggest that translators not include it in this verse, but place it after “bountiful” in the following one. Who alone art King may be rendered “You are our only king.” It will be helpful to place this clause after who art awe-inspiring and strong. Good News Bible is correct in understanding alone to refer to kind as well as King (see the next verse). Kind may be combined with merciful (see the model below).
An alternative model for this verse is:
• The prayer was as follows: “Our Lord, you are our God [or, the God whom we worship]. You created all things. We feel awe [or, amazement] when we see your power. You alone are merciful, and you are our only king.
Quoted with permission from Bullard, Roger A. and Hatton, Howard A. A Handbook on 1-2 Maccabees. (UBS Helps for Translators). New York: UBS, 2011. For this and other handbooks for translators see here.